


Multi Link Suspension

by HamsterTriforce1986



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Age Difference, Bottom Link, College Rhett and Link, Daicon IV Opening Animation - Freeform, Dark Link Neal, Electric Light Orchestra - Freeform, Ganondorf - Freeform, Hamsters, Height Differences, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Memory Loss, Multi, Skyward Sword, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Song: Twilight (Electric Light Orchestra), Time (Electric Light Orchestra), Too many Links across the board, Top Link, Wake up in a strange land, Windows 95 - Freeform, Wolf Link (Legend of Zelda), Zelda - Freeform, rhett and link - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24977716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamsterTriforce1986/pseuds/HamsterTriforce1986
Summary: The Hamsterians, a race of highly advanced hamster people that left their totalitarian and collapsing government in search of a new planet, they land on Earth on a group of islands in the far North Pacific in 1795, it became the most advanced civilisation on the planet, they became the Miniopolans in 1892 after their advancements in miniaturisation of their technology and the vast numbers of Mini Lop Rabbits. A Soviet group known as "JB-510" tried numerous times to take over the country, two bloody wars became of it. One that lasted from December 1996 to February 1998 and the second which has gone on since 4 December 2014 already 193,700 dead out of our 337,286 population. Then there's Rachel, what she inherited was going to be not so much the can of worms but the bloody cannery! Their technology going bonkers would make the Great Calamity seem like a rogue Chrome tab in comparison, unfortunately because the Miniopolans burned ALL their bridges with their allies. They had to resort to using...*gulp* Ganon's help, things go bananas As JB-510 figured out how to make Link clones back in 2016, they are up to 25,000. To make matters worse, the Miniopolans will be hit with more Links than every incarnation of Ganon many times
Relationships: Hyrule & Sky (Linked Universe), Link (Legend of Zelda)/Original Character(s), Link (Legend of Zelda)/Original Male Character(s), Link/Original Female Character(s), Link/Original Male Character(s), Twilight & Wild (Linked Universe)
Kudos: 1





	1. Sheikah Shock

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at fanfiction, two more chapters will be added in within a short period, spelling corrections are currently underway. Let us proceed onward! Let's see what someone on the spectrum, and I'm not talking cable TV can churn out. *Link sits in the corner eating dubious food while Jeff Lynne cooks some Enduring Risotto*
> 
> by the way, Praise Ganon!
> 
> -Her Hamsterian Majesty  
> 29 June 2020  
> 0116 Hours

**0001**   
**13 October 2017**   
**1841 Hours**   
**C5 Motorway**   
**South Catopolis, North Sector, MLR**   
**83 Kilometres from home**   
**Rachel’s POV**

Bang! Clang! Then horrible rattling noises along with smoke billowing out from the bonnet.

Scheisse! My Citroen’s engine decides to throw a rod right in the middle of nowhere; I pull to the side of the road leaving a trail of oil and coolant behind along with bits of the engine, and absolutely no mobile service to boot! I throw my phone in the passenger foot well out of frustration and go set up the hazard markers, then it hit me, I still had Edith’s satellite phone in the boot along with a boatload of other crap! I rush to the back with my key and throw everything out the boot until I find it under one of her hideous jumpers, I turn the thing on and it actually worked, unfortunately I was greeted with a familiar message along with a full satellite connection.

**Low battery!**

**SAT: 100% (MiniCOM /SAT 13)**

**BATT: 2% (Discharging)**

  
Neither Edith’s mobile nor the house phone was answered, I left a few voicemails on each but she may be playing that confounded Zelda game, I was about to phone my mechanic for a tow when the battery goes flat.  
“ERRGH!!! BUTTFUCK!!” I throw the phone off the bridge into the sea, oh well, eBay to the rescue when I make it back home. I begin the long walk to the nearest exit, which unfortunately isn’t for another 34 Kilometres according to the sign in the distance, a lorry carrying portapotties drops two of them and their contents splatter all over my clothes, I groan and trod back to the car in search of a clean change of clothes only finding Edith’s Princess Zelda outfit from the cosplay event when she borrowed my car. A raccoon had taken her jumper when I reached for it. “DAMN YOU TOM NOOK!” I yell like a defeated villain waving my fists in the air, then proceed to change into the outfit and find that all the pieces were in the boot, even the pointy ears, eh what the hell? I put them on and begin the long walk. My hair is like pre calamity Zelda so I didn’t need the wig however I'd be rather short Zelda at 4' 11" not that Edith's much taller at 5' 2", but I digress; I put my AirPods in and start playing my ELO playlist “Way Life’s Meant to Be” came on.

**Edith’s POV**

I finally conquer the Divine Beasts and head for Ganon, then the microwave starts beeping, I pause and set the Wii U’s gamepad down on the coffee table to go get my bagel pizzas, all of a sudden my cat starts running around and knocks over the gamepad, six potted plants and my lamp.

“AARGH!! MIDNA!!” I yell and the cat bolts across the room right into the table with the automatic cat feeder spilling EVERYTHING and destroying the feeder in the proces, she was quite pleased with the end result and started the usual process of eat, throw up, eat the vomit and more food, rinse and repeat, or at least until I locked up the Twilight Princess in her carrier while I cleaned up the mess then resumed Breath of the Wild while snacking on my stone cold bagel bites, she meows for release, food, and fused shadows of course.

**1945 Hours**

Damn things went right through me, I scurry to the bathroom and discover three missed calls on my phone, which didn’t even charge anyway. “Cheap Chinese junk!” I yell stomping the cheap charger block into bits before chucking it in the bin.

I try returning her calls only for every attempt to go right to voicemail, speaking of…

“You have 3 new voice messages, first voice message ‘Edith, please return this call, the battery’s going flat quickly, my Citroen spewed its guts all over the C5 over fifty miles from home, 34 klicks from the Wilson exit, you’ll see my oil and coolant making a diagonal line through the road, please hurry!’ Second voice message ‘EDITH! I’m in need of assistance, I’ve texted you my coordinates, please make haste!’ third voice message ‘HOW CAN YOU NOT HEAR THE HOUSE PHONE?! YOU EVEN HAVE AN ANSWERING MACHINE! WHEN I ARRIVE I KNOW WHERE I’M SHOVING THAT BLOODY GAMEPAD! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS! I’M PHONING HENRY TO GIVE ME A LIFT!’ end of final message”. Oh shit, I see the three missed calls on the answering machine afraid to hear what else she had to say, well Henry is closer to her than I, he was inspecting the ships and our balloon today anyway, I can say Link held me prisoner. I chuckle then walk back, Midna meowing and pawing at the carrier door.

Reassuring myself Polakow would be in good hands, I return to my game putting my Sennheisers back on, I decide to stock up on bomb arrows all over Hyrule and some more ancient arrows from Robbie in the Akkala Ancient Tech Lab when suddenly in the real world the sound of the alarms from the Catnithium Reactor and teleportation unit broke me from my game, I quickly paused and ran to the garage and noticed all the parts were glowing a bright blue instead of catnithium green. The teleportation chamber started up and when I tried to stop everything fearing a cataclysmic explosion, the control panel was suddenly completely frozen before I could even open the terminal. The lights on the all the rack-mounted CatTronographs where all starting to go from ready to not ready and the LCDs began displaying garbage on the screen, I took a photo of it with my phone almost immediately, then the oscillators began making horrible noises then finally one of the massive master battery-capacitors blew up causing the oscillator assembly to explode throwing me back against the garage door knocking me unconscious.

**Wild Link’s POV**

I can’t believe that actually worked! The Sheikah Slate is still hot but it’s as strong as ever. Purah still had an early CatTronograph from two years before the Calamity and wired it to my slate, she said my memories will continue to return albeit slowly. All of my runes are working, I drop the slate and run over and help this poor girl on the ground, she looked like she took a hit from a Silver Moblin with a Thunderblade, I healed her using Mipha’s grace and carried her to her bedroom. Knowing she was fine, I went in search of the food.

I find the kitchen and raid the refrigerator and pantries; I make my way back to the garage remembering that I left my Sheikah Slate on the garage floor and I remember seeing huge refrigerator in there with the door blown out, oh wait never mind, when I went to pick it up off the floor and the enormous apparatus started whirring and glowing then a thunderous crash making me jump and drop the slate again, thank Hylia it's nearly indestructible.

Twilight finally made it through, what a journey that must have been. He handed me my Sheikah Slate and wrapped an arm around me, he smiled lightly.  
“So, it looks like you’ve already made yourself at home.” He says, noticing the trail of food I’ve left; I look around and hand him a pumpkin giggling anxiously.

“Okay I’ll make some pumpkin soup, where’s the kitchen?” Twilight takes the pumpkin from me and I sign to the back right.

I go and check on the girl and see if she’s regained consciousness yet, I stand watch over her and eat simultaneously.

**Edith's POV**

**2311 Hours**

I awaken in my bed, perhaps it was all a dream, I look around and nearly jump out of my skin when I see two Links in the corner of my room watching me like creeps. Oh Hylia, Rachel may have been right, maybe I have been playing too much Zelda.

One Link stands about 5’ 5” the other about 5’ 8”, the shorter of the two wearing the blue Champion’s Tunic while the other looks like Twilight Princess Link complete with his iconic elf hat, Wild walks up to me showing me photos on his Sheikah Slate of what looked like Rachel dressed like Jackie O with the large sunglasses and pillbox hat exchanging folders with the Yiga Clan and talking to Master Kohga over tea and banana bread and a few shots of her driving her blue and white 1971 Citroen DS around what look like the Gerudo and Tabantha regions while chatting with two Yiga foot soldiers, they looked quite tall about 6' 3", wait what? When did Rachel go to Hyrule? And there actually is a Hyrule?! That may also explain why she always has a surplus of bananas, they’re very expensive in the MLR and rather scarce to say the least.

“This cannot be!” I yell, then suddenly grimace when I catch a whiff of Wild, he really does smell wild.

“Link! Errgh! WILD Link!” first both Links look up, then Wild looks up at me, “You smell like a Lynel’s arsehole! When was the last time you showered!? Before the Great Calamity?!” I yell and he glares back at me.

“It was pouring rain yesterday, how can I smell that bad?” Link says, then he sniffs himself nearly gagging, okay it’s been a couple blood moons since I had a proper bath.

,

“Twilight, make sure she doesn’t escape, if she causes trouble here ya go.” I say handing him a set of handcuffs and key, Twilight Link puts the cuffs in his pocket and sits down on the bed next to me, Wild takes off his shirt and throws it at me.

“Ugh! It reeks!” I yell throwing in Twilight’s face.  
“That’s the smell of a champion!” Wild yells then he proceeds to use up all my hot water, I can hear him sighing and moaning in relief, someone’s getting extra hearts plus a full ring of extra stamina!

“Twilight? I’ve got to use the toilet.” I say with puppy eyes and I begin doing the pee dance.

“Okay I’ll take you.” He says holding out his hand, he walks me downstairs and I close the door and quietly lock it. I turn on the fan, flush the toilet and climb out the window, thankfully my keys were still in my pocket, I go through the side door and climb in, as soon as I close the Z4’s door I hear footsteps rushing over, the engine cranks over weakly.

"Cmon! C'mon!" I whisper yell seeing the dash lights dim dramatically with each crank then suddenly the 3.2 Litre straight six roars to life, I throw the 6 speed automatic into reverse and peel out smashing through the garage door as Twilight runs out holding Wild's Thunderspear and the cuffs and Wild wearing only a towel runs out with his Master Sword his hair still very soapy, his towel fell when he began swinging his sword at me, his swords energy beams narrowly missing my car, of course it would be ineffective anyway because my car is German after all.

I fly through the city streets at over 140 km/h the ZF transmission being a bit indecisive but soldiering on, well the car has 283,900 km, actually it just ticked over. I make my way to the motorway nearly losing control on the spiral on ramp, only 10% of the street lamps actually still work, keeping my right foot planted before too long I’m storming down the nearly empty motorway at 220-263 km/h hoping Rachel wasn’t too far out. I set the cruise control and check my backup mobile for petrol stations as I'm nearing empty, the iPhone 4S is definitely showing its age as it drags along loading the page, of course to say our cellular service is shit would be an understatement.

**Twilight Link’s POV**

I sigh out of frustration and decide to handcuff Wild’s hands behind a pole while I spray him with the hose, one of the neighbours just stares at us, I glare back and he just continues to rub his nipples and drink his coffee, “HYAAH!!” I brandish the Master Sword making it gleam with the sealing power and the nosy fuck soiled his trousers and ran back dropping his coffee, I finish rinsing Wild and uncuff him, he rubs his sore wrists and puts his towel back on, still might be some pumpkin soup left.

“Where do you think she went?” Wild asked while drying his hair, I hand him his climber gear and notice the map of Hyrule on the TV screen, “Wild, come here, you’re going to want to see this!” I call him over, he runs over knocking over the cat carrier causing it to come apart and then Midna gets out, she darts all over the room and then hides under the couch, I see the puffed up tail sticking out of the couch, I pull out the cat and hold her gently stroking her back, Wild picks up the gamepad and tries touching the screen and the map moves from the TV to the gamepad’s screen, I try taking the gamepad from Wild, uhh...you’ll see.

“HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!” Wild yells and tackles me, trying to wrestle the gamepad from my grip, I get him in a headlock then he bites me, I whack him with the plastic slate causing the display to shatter, he flips me over and starts pelting me with moblin guts, apples, and hot footed frogs, then he takes off his shirt and throws it at me before storming off to the garage.

**Wild Link’s POV**

Stupid Twilight, he broke the black plastic Sheikah Slate, I threw my climber shirt at him ready to kick the crap out of him, I changed my mind at the last second and ran to the garage, I was about to break down when I spot a little blue coupe under a grey tarp, keys are hanging on the wall, it's a goggomobil? It better go go! I climb in and it takes a century to crank over but it starts up spewing out bluish grey smoke, I put my Sheikah Sensor on “BMW Z4” and almost immediately it picked up something, I start driving the TS400 toward where my Slate says to go, it unfortunately led me to the wrong car time and time again, I keep driving on beginning to lose hope when it says “Finding New Objective” it's just as reliable as the weather forecast feature, Purah and I will have a little chat about that and if it isn't fixed straight away, let's just say something will go CLICK, SNAP! 

**End Transmission**   
**Loading Part 2...**

**Loaded into memory!**

**Please Wait...**


	2. Across the Night You Wore My Lace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part II

**0010**

**14 October 2017**

**0013 Hours**

**Osborne, West Sector, MLR**

**Rachel’s POV**

I pick up one bar finally, it’s just blackness all around, I phone Henry only for it to go to voicemail, I try Edith’s phone and a male voice responds “Hello? Rachel, where are you?” he asks, how does he know my—oh right! But who the hell is this guy?!

“Who is this? What have you done with Edith?! Why do you have her phone?” I yell back just slightly panicked as I’m stranded in the middle of nowhere dressed as Princess Zelda.

“I’m Link, your friend took off when I took her to the bathroom, long story, but in short you’ve got a lot of explaining to do. Wild took the other car in her garage and is looking for you two. So you’re working for Ganon then?” He says with certainty in his tone. My heart sinks and I drop my phone and begin to have flashbacks, I grab my phone and regain my composure, mostly.

“THAT IS UTTER SHIT! I’M NOT HELPING THE YIGA CLAN! I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE GETTING THIS FAKE NEWS!” I scream back looking around, yep still alone.

“I never mentioned the Yiga Clan, soo...Rachey, maybe try cooperating and I'll go somewhat easy on you.” *click* I hang up the phone nearly shitting myself, what in Hylia’s name just happened? I turned off my phone fearing I may be tracked, I run for what feels like ages, I end up at a completely dark empty petrol station and the payphone is ripped out of its box, I walk around and spot another one that’s still intact and try Natacha.

“Oh praise Hylia! Natacha it’s me Rachel, my car spilled its guts on the motorway, I’m at the creepy shut Tuxel station in Osborne dressed as Princess Zelda from Breath of the Wild and neither Edith nor Henry are answering, and a man named Link has her phone!” I say frantically, trying to catch my breath.

“Have you tried asking Link? He’s supposed to save and protect the Princess after all.” Natacha replies giggling slightly.

“DAMMIT YOU TOILET HAMSTER! JUST COME AND RETRIEVE ME AT ONCE!!” I yell making whatever’s living in the remains of the mini mart scurry about.

“Alrighty Cathy May, I’m on my way!” She replies, I keep her on the line as she drives over, I keep feeding the telephone coins when a silver BMW Z4 pulls into view with one working headlamp, sure enough it’s Edith.

“Woah! Princess Zelda?! Rachel was right, I have been playing waaayy too much Zelda! First, I’m nearly attacked by two Links that teleport into my house now Princess Zelda herself is at a decrepit petrol station on a payphone?” Edith freaks out nearly about to faint.

“No you pillock, it’s me, Polakow? Don’t you recognise me?” I ask, then I take off the pointy ears, “This should help, and what what what?!” I yell in shock like Sheila from South Park.

“We need to go, like straight away!” Edith opens the door, sliding over the bonnet and climbing in the driver side.

“I wasn’t planning on hesitating, especially in this shit hole, now make haste!” I say climbing in and buckling up.

“Yes your majesty!” she says saluting me and then she takes off, “Walking In the Air” by Nightwish begins playing on the car radio, I turn up the air and plug my phone into the car charger and I just sit back and wonder what the hell I got myself into, I knew the life of a Catmode agent would not be easy but the last three have not been the easiest years.

"Of all the petrol stations, how?" I ask Edith, thankful but trying to be like Zelda and keeping my outbursts to a controlled burn.

"It was the only one within 70 Kilometres and I'm quite low, it hasn't lit up yet thankfully.

"We shall have a chat when we arrive at home." I say calmly drumming my fingers together, she gulps but carries on.

Before too long, a green VW Golf starts pulling into the station then begins following us when Edith nearly lost control on the onramp, egad what a yobbo!

Edith picked up speed rather quickly, at least before her low fuel warning light came on. We pressed on at 180 to over 200 km/h, then her right front tyre explodes, we spin out like a Disneyland teacup until we come to an unpleasant halt when the tail whacks a tree making the car spin the other way then it hooked in the wet grass making the car land on its roof sliding into the mud, we both get out of the car and start running into the woods, then the Golf gets stuck in mud, the driver exits and runs after us, he looks about 5’ 8” and his messy blonde hair under his green cap a familiar sight, his fingerless gloves too but a black tank top instead of his usual attire, that means Little Mac is out there wearing a green tunic, oh great yet another Link, then another one emerges from the passenger side, brown hair and green tunic, they look like the Hyrule warriors and Skyward Sword Links respectively.

They run after us, we try zig zagging but to no avail as they can run much faster than us and then consequently tackle us, Sky tied my hands behind my back rather tightly and threw me over his shoulder and carried me back to their car, blonde Link handcuffed Edith and dragged her by the cuffs, he throws her in the back with the bags while Sky puts me in the backseat and sits with me, he moves some hair out of my face, making me flinch a bit.

**0220 Hours**   
**Littrell, West Sector, MLR**

They drive us back to Edith's house, both Wild and Twilight waiting at the door, the front yard is an absolute disaster, the Links carry us out of the car and I just know this will be a long night.

“Princess Zelda?! HEY SKY! UNTIE HER IMMEDIATELY!” Wild yells at Skyward Link to untie me, mistaking me for the princess, maybe I’ve got a chance!

“It’s just Polakow in disguise!” Hyrule Link yells throwing Edith over his shoulder.

“First a Link that reeks of Lynel, now one that’s been AXE bombed, I get that he’s 17 but C’MON LINK! You reek like a high school douche, the kind who prances around in TapouT shirts with the sleeves cut off saying 'Bro!' all the time!" Edith yells and struggles, accidentally tightening the handcuffs, Link just rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Babe knock it off, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” Hyrule Link yells and covers her face with his cap which just makes her freak out even more, then Wild zaps her with a Thunderspear knocking her out

"HEY!! YOU HYLIAN BASTARD!" I kick Skyward in the nuts making him face plant clutching his berries, I contemplate attacking Wild but decide make a run for it instead because I've seen Edith play that game and what Link can do, I head for the road only to get dropped by Twilight and Wild, it's like a scene in COPS; of course Link has one hell of a taser on his back, fortunately he didn't use it on me. They begin dragging me toward the house, I had to think of something.

  
“NO I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU THE AMULET!” I yell and began squirming making all the Links give a dumbfounded expression.

“What amulet?” Wild asks me still confused. I stare at his blue eyes and long ginger blonde locks, then the light bulb went ding!

“The hot Denver amulet with Korok seed salad on the side with mayonnaise dipped apples up your ass!” I reply, which makes Edith laugh Hysterically when she came to.

(in the style of “Pinky and the Brain”) _“You got to poop in your pants! You got to poop in your pants! You got to...poop in your pants! And you got to eat the Ca-na-di-ans!”_ I sing the Dich Drive theme song (pronounced deesch drive), while twerking, a popular Hamsterian TV series about a prime minister who's up shit creek when his polls fall like his trousers at the G34 banquet, but the Links just stare in wonder.

Girkby, this Purah sized creature is known as the peanut butter magician and will eat any poop you leave behind, he will insist it’s chocolate even trying to make you eat it often times at the threat of being penetrated by a large broomstick, especially if you try telling him the truth about his chocolate. He runs out from the bushes after making a large POOF with his bag of stolen Korok seed powder and pops his antennas out and decides to grab Link’s Korok seed bag and run off at full speed yelling “Ya ha ha! I found you!” like a Korok and takes off with his bag containing 832 seeds. Link stares with a confused and absolutely gutted look on his face knowing all of his hard work was gone.

“All that hard work gone to shit! AGAIN!” I yell and start laughing, Wild pulls out his Thunderspear and holds it up to my throat and positions himself to do a charge attack, I turn away and hold my breath awaiting impalement then Twilight takes it from his hand before he could zap me and/or skewer me and hands me back to Sky, Wild still giving me a death glare as Twilight holds him back.

Hyrule had locked Edith in the broom closet and when he came out him and Wild dragged me inside, I struggled and screamed to no avail.

Then they made their way upstairs and dragged me into the bathroom and I see a tri lizal boomerang sticking out of Wild's bag and faint almost immediately.

Twilight slapped me awake and Wild showed me the photos on his Sheikah Slate. "Ohh where am I? What century is it? Is that you Princess Zelda?" I say still out of it, Wild shows me the photos on his Sheikah Slate, I immediately wake up and start freaking out, more flashbacks, the Links stare at me like a weirdo on LSD, I look around for an exit but I know my state.

“I was never in Hyrule you bunch of Korok seed brained wazzocks! Those photos were faked! Or it’s a Hylian in disguise, yes that one! It has to be!” I yell struggling against the Links grip and the rope.

I hear the familiar rumble of Emily’s S550’s V8 pulling in, she walked in and I could hear her keys. “EMILY GET BACKUP QUICKLY! I’M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY PISSED OFF LINKS! CODE 83 10 5 3 8! CLASSIFICATION TRIFORCE A5!” I yell to her and I can hear Sky running after her, she started her car and I hear a frantic take off, *V8 engine roars, screech then smash* Sounds as if she may have hit Hyrule’s Golf before peeling off.

“HYRULE! SHE CRUNCHED YOUR CAR IN!” Sky yells from outside.

“WHAT?!” Hyrule’s eyes widen and he glares at me like I’m Demise and I hit his car and destroyed the Kingdom and violated Princess Zelda with a Royal Halberd to boot!

“Wild get your toys ready, we’re about to have some fun.” Hyrule says in an evil voice with a grin that would make Jack Spicer and the Cheshire Cat seem like heavy users of Botox.

**End Transmission!**

**Loading...**

**Please Wait...**

**Loaded into Memory!**


	3. The Longest Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loading Please Wait...  
> Ready!
> 
> Part 0000 0011 of 1111 1111

**Chapter 0011**

**14 October 2017**

**0240 Hours  
Littrell, West Sector, MLR**

**Emily's POV**

I pull into the drive seeing Edith's front yard looking like a drunken yob fest had just happened. I walk inside when I hear Rachel yell from the bathroom "EMILY GET BACKUP QUICKLY! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY PISSED OFF LINKS! CODE 83 10 5 3 8! CLASSIFICATION TRIFORCE A5!" I knew that meant get the hell out of here NOW! I hear one of the Links running down, I make a mad dash for the Mercedes and lock the doors immediately, the engine fires right up I "accidentally" select drive instead of reverse smashing into one of the Link's green Golf, my car barely has any damage, I peel out, all 449 Horsepower leaving a cloud of tyre smoke. "MORE POWWAH!!" I Yell like Jeremy Clarkson, then racing toward the motorway, the nearly 5,000 pound car nearly losing control on each turn as it wallows about, this three pointed star definitely has the Triforce of Power.

I storm down the road passing left then right as if this car were an SLK, I knew I had to head back home to get the box, I knew this day would come.

The Merc is still very quiet even at 228 km/h, My Chemical Romance's "Famous Last Words" playing on the car's stereo.

**Wild Link's POV**

I took Rachel from Sky and cut the rope with my Master Sword, she stared at me with confusion, I stare at her back then I begin to have a flashback.

The date is 18 December 1914 less than two years before the Great Calamity, I remember a girl who looked just like Rachel except dressed like an Edwardian lady, she carried a large case that had a glowing screen and two large spheres that looked like ancient cores but all green, one of the pre-1912 CatTronographs. I remember now, but how? Rachel, if that's her name, would have to be over a hundred and she's clearly just 18, I don't remember anyone else in the Shrine of Resurrection, but then again I'm still trying to figure out half of what went on during the Calamity, I remember now! I break out my trance making everyone stare at me.

"Emily? You haven't aged a day since the last time, what happened?" I say touching her cheek, she pulls away her head and widens her eyes like cat with a thermometer up its bum.

"No no no no no no! My great great grandmother has been dead for nearly twenty years, I only look like her!" She replies frantically.

"Ahh you're her descendent then!" Twilight replies, I look over at him then back at Rach.

"So tell us what you know, Yiga spy!" Hyrule yells in her face while I'm looking for my other set of cuffs, I find them and lock her hands in a criss cross behind a pipe.

"You Hylian bastards will never win this war, we have the technology to whomp not only JB-510 but you guys too!" Rachel yells back clanging the cuffs.

"Uhh yeah about that, do you know about the Great Calamity? We thought the same thing then the shit hit the fan!" I tell her just centimetres from her lips, she grimaces.

"Now I know why it's called 'Breath of the Wild'! Jeez Link have you EVER heard of mouthwash?! Have you been eating Santa's ass elf boy?!" She yells and gags, trying to look away, I was livid when she called me an elf, I grabbed her head and starting breathing on her face. "How do you like that?! Wild enough for ya?!" Then suddenly she projectile vomited in my face. I grab the Thunderspear from my back and hold it to her neck and do my charge attack stance. I wipe the vomit off with Twilight's hat then chuck it in the toilet.

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL?!" Twilight yelled loudly making me drop the Thunderspear accidentally zapping Hyrule making him piss himself.

"It was a stupid hat anyway!" I yell making Twilight, Sky, and Hyrule glare at me "HEY!" they yell in unison.

"Santa will want all of you guys back soon!" Rachel yells, we all glare at her, she just rolls her eyes.

"I thought we were gonna have fun?" Hyrule groaned looking through my bag.

"DUDE! QUIT LOOKING THROUGH MY SHIT!" I try to grab the bag from him when he finds my Gerudo Vai outfit.

"Ooh La La! What do we have here? Sooo Wild, who does this sexy number belong to?" Hyrule smirks and giggles analysing the clothes and looking at me, I go silent and began to blush.

"It's Wild's, he likes to go in drag ALL THE TIME! C'mon Bellydancer Link! I know you like to wear it for Prince Sidon!" Rachel yells, my face is redder than a Big Hearty Radish or maybe a heart container, I groan from embarrassment wanting to go all Lynel on Rachel, so I did.

I started pummeling Rachel like Little Mac, she shrieked horror and agony. Hyrule takes off his shirt revealing his lean but muscular body, his six pack more prominent than mine. The bathroom is warming up quite quickly, Twilight picked up and wrapped Hyrule's tank top around his head like a bandanna as he sweats through his tunic. I open the window and continue whomping Rachel like a Silver Bokoblin, then Hyrule grabbed me.

"HEY DON'T KILL HER! WE NEED THE ANSWERS!" He yelled in my face, his sweaty hands still have a surprising grip on my wrists, I sigh and scan his body. The smell of his AXE body spray and the sight of his glistening torso activating me like a Sheikah Tower, well something's beginning to rise like the tower antennas. He wipes the sweat from his forehead, noticing me staring at him and he looks down at my boner. I just chuckle anxiously, he raises an eyebrow then pulls me toward him. 

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF HYLIA! JUST DO IT ALREADY!" Rachel yells, ruining my horny moment, I try to rush at her but Hyrule's grip still remains strong.

"Hey, don't let her bother you, tonight it's just you and I." Hyrule says rubbing my cheek running his hand through my hair.

"Hyrule, get your own boyfriend!" Twilight yells taking off and throwing his tunic at him.

"Wow! This gives a whole new meaning to the expression of 'Go fuck yourself'!" Rachel smirks smugly then I stomp toward her, she squirms like she sees a White Maned Lynel. Sky throws his sweat soaked shirt at Rachel, it landed on her like a wet towel.

"OH YUCK! UGH!" Rachel groans trying to shake Sky's shirt off her head, "GET THIS THING OFF OF MEEEEEEEE!!!!" She yells and thrashes about.

I hear a what sounds a bit like the Master Cycle Zero and then a loud smash in the front yard.

**Edith's POV**

"C'mon, almost!" I whisper yell trying to pick the cuffs which he put on WAY TOO TIGHT to begin with, I hear the click then shortly after disengaging the double lock, I shimmed them open and began work on the broom closet door, I stopped at the last second remembering I would have to cross the bathroom and the Links would surely catch me before I even had a chance to get away.

I climbed up into the attic through the ceiling hatch, I walked around the back and drop into the TV room, I pick up Wild's climber shirt and gloves and put them on, grab his Paraglider and run out and see my blue Goggomobil sitting on the grass, the keys are missing. I grab a screwdriver from the glove box and break the lock and start it, maybe I can lure them out to get them away from Polakow.

I back into the already crippled Golf making the alarm go off, Both Hyrule and Sky run out sweaty and shirtless, I dump the clutch causing the engine to stall, just when Sky smashes the window I get it started and drive off, knocking him over into the mud. The two cylinder engine screaming and spewing out blue smoke.

"OH MY GOD! THAT COULD HAVE GONE VERY BADLY!" I yell realising how close I was to being Linked, I head for Rachel's house, heart still pounding like this car's engine. She's got something in that lab of hers that maybe can help us.

**Twilight's POV**

I stare at Wild, then at Rachel, then hand him his bag.

Rachel gasps when he pulled out a dildo the size of a police Maglite.

"SWEET JENNIFER!" she yelled, eyes like full moons.

Wild laughed evilly then set Rachel on a hamper in a planking position, her hands still locked behind the pipe, it's a very awkward, painful position, then he starts taking off her trousers.

"You'll talk one way or another!" he said while running his hands down her body before penetrating her, making her sing a high E like Maria Callas in "Lakme".

Wild then threatens to skewer her with his Master Sword when she still won't say anything but "HYAH!" or screaming in terror.

"You Yiga clan piece of shit, SPILL YOUR FUCKING GUTS OR I'LL SPILL EM FOR YA!" Wild yelled holding the glowing Master Sword up to her throat then pointing it toward her stomach.

"WILD NO! MIPHA'S GRACE IS STILL RECHARGING! IF SHE DIES WE WON'T FIND OUT THOSE CODES!" I grab him and put him in a headlock and make him drop his sword, I take him outside and close the bathroom door, eh she's not going anywhere but I need to calm this boy down before he seals her away.

**Emily's POV**

**0310 Hours**

**8 Kilometres from home**

I pull into a petrol station and fill up my car, within a minute a blue Renault Megane pulls into the station, I recognise the guys inside, it's the guys from Good Mythical Morning, Holy crap Rhett is a tower. Link spots me staring and tells Rhett who within seconds was running at me, I ran back into the car nearly soiling myself and peeled out with the pump still in the car, he ran back to his car, I make it to the house and grab the box Rachel gave me last year with a red upside down Sheikah symbol on it.

I open it and plug a USB flash drive into my MacBook labeled "Hyrule", I see boatloads of files, I click through the photos, word documents and PDFs. I didn't realise how bad our situation really was until I saw these documents finding out by the end of 2020 the MLR would be completely enslaved by Hyrule when the rebuild began, Wild Link would become King, I see the blue Megane circling my block from my window for a third time, oh crap not them too! I take my phone, 3DS, MacBook, and my Beretta before driving off, I quickly outran the French pastry of a car and headed for Rachel's home.

I make my way down the dark narrow streets nearly hitting wheelie bins, post boxes and cars along the way, the car would not stop beeping. "SHUT UP!" I bang the dashboard in frustration, I decide to drive through the woods, I see a large silhouette of what looks like a centaur? Then I remembered Breath of the Wild. "No, that can't possibly be a--" Before I could finish my sentence I see three green glowing stars in front of the Lynel knowing I was about to be fried. I keep my right foot welded to the floor narrowly avoiding a barrage of shock arrows coming at me three at a time. Oh crap, I hear one of my tyres blow and I see not one or two but fourteen Silver Maned Lynels, they are absolutely massive! I see them all draw shock, ice, and fire arrows, I crap my pants as I storm out in reverse and flip the 5,000 pound German tank of a sedan around and storm out as the Lynels charged.

A couple shock arrows hit the car making all the electronics go bonkers, my radio/satnav started buzzing horribly then engine stalled, miraculously it restarted but then one of the Lynels smashed in the back glass with a Savage Lynel Sword coming within just inches of my head. I drive off with his sword which makes the Lynel even more furious and starts firing shock arrows or at least until his bow broke. My car's electronics still freaking out reading garbage on all the displays, but soldiering on even if it sounds like only seven cylinders are firing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More loading in shortly...

**Author's Note:**

> Well, let me know how it is so far?


End file.
